i don't understand

it has been months, heck maybe even a year since we have talked.. a year? or two? since you ended things...heck ive even let go moved on to other guys.. yet still to this day you have this "power" over me. i can't take it. today things were fine. but then that video came on, the song kinda slightly reminded me of you..ok whatever but then out of no where i have tears slowing streaming down my face. i pray to God that your picture does not show up cause i know full well i will not be able to control myself..sure enough there you are. your picture staring at me. like i predicted i could not control my emotions, just like that all of our memories flooded my head. for a moment i missed you and it hurt like hell and i hate myself for missing you. it seems like yesterday was that day in december when we "first" saw each other. when you hugged me like no one had ever done before but no that day was forever ago, its nothing but a bittersweet memory but i could not stop the stupid tears. im thinking what the heck? i am over you why am i crying. i know you will "go away" but you will be completely safe there, you will return home i know you will. i just know it..

i just hate that i miss you cause i know full well you don't miss me back, you could careless about me. i hate that you can do this to me. i don't regret a thing but still i hate that you make me like this....

a list

hello. sorry i have been a bit slow recently. life has been busy.

i am SO VERY excited to do kara's "fall in love class!!!!!!" i know its come and gone for everyone else but it has now come for me. i think kara is just so awesome! i wished we lived closer. that would be great fun.

any who

sep 19 was my 17 birthday! i now have a real camera*nikon d90* not a lil crappy point and shoot*cannon power shot*

and so...

i had seen a "seventeen before i turn eighteen list" on kara's blog and i thought hey why not? i like lists! so here is mine..in no specific order. *im stealing some ideas from here cause she is just that cool.*

1. learn to play guitar

2. create and finish a painting

3. use my polaroid camera

4. make a mini book

6. fall in love with God again

7. write a song

8. send more happy mail

9. read a book a month

10. grow in my photography skills

11.* find a safe place to* wander aimlessly

12. come up with a few designs that could go on t-shirts

13. go to a concert

14. let go

15. move on

16. learn to sing...try to sing better..can this be done?

17. drive through md and take pictures

tfr

jess

xo

fall list

so i saw on stephanie's tumblr that she and kara have an "epic fall list". i thought to my self what a wonderful idea so here is mine. ( i am borrowing some of the things on their list)

how to have a wonderful fall:

• sit outside with apple cider/coffee and write in journal
• take kara's "fall in love class". and actually try to do it then and not hold of until volleyball is done and over
• go to football game in a cute coat and scarf
• spend an entire saturday taking pictures outside
• read 4-5 books
• jump in leaves
• make homemade cookies
• spend an entire saturday making art and listening to music
• go to maryland
• eat homemade noodles
• skip stones on the pond
• take several long walks
• spend time with lil cousins.. take lots of pictures of them
• drink lots of coffee/apple cider
• learn how to bake/make good thanksgiving food.

who knows i may think of more. if i do ill add them. have a great sunday

tfr

xo

jess

ps. ONLY 6 MORE DAYS TILL MY BIRTHDAY!!!

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