new

i want new. im sick of how things are im sick of who i am. and how things are. im done settle for stuff not worth settling for. take me some where new.

i don't understand

it has been months, heck maybe even a year since we have talked.. a year? or two? since you ended things...heck ive even let go moved on to other guys.. yet still to this day you have this "power" over me. i can't take it. today things were fine. but then that video came on, the song kinda slightly reminded me of you..ok whatever but then out of no where i have tears slowing streaming down my face. i pray to God that your picture does not show up cause i know full well i will not be able to control myself..sure enough there you are. your picture staring at me. like i predicted i could not control my emotions, just like that all of our memories flooded my head. for a moment i missed you and it hurt like hell and i hate myself for missing you. it seems like yesterday was that day in december when we "first" saw each other. when you hugged me like no one had ever done before but no that day was forever ago, its nothing but a bittersweet memory but i could not stop the stupid tears. im thinking what the heck? i am over you why am i crying. i know you will "go away" but you will be completely safe there, you will return home i know you will. i just know it..

i just hate that i miss you cause i know full well you don't miss me back, you could careless about me. i hate that you can do this to me. i don't regret a thing but still i hate that you make me like this....

a list

hello. sorry i have been a bit slow recently. life has been busy.

i am SO VERY excited to do kara's "fall in love class!!!!!!" i know its come and gone for everyone else but it has now come for me. i think kara is just so awesome! i wished we lived closer. that would be great fun.

any who

sep 19 was my 17 birthday! i now have a real camera*nikon d90* not a lil crappy point and shoot*cannon power shot*

and so...

i had seen a "seventeen before i turn eighteen list" on kara's blog and i thought hey why not? i like lists! so here is mine..in no specific order. *im stealing some ideas from here cause she is just that cool.*

1. learn to play guitar

2. create and finish a painting

3. use my polaroid camera

4. make a mini book

6. fall in love with God again

7. write a song

8. send more happy mail

9. read a book a month

10. grow in my photography skills

11.* find a safe place to* wander aimlessly

12. come up with a few designs that could go on t-shirts

13. go to a concert

14. let go

15. move on

16. learn to sing...try to sing better..can this be done?

17. drive through md and take pictures

tfr

jess

xo

fall list

so i saw on stephanie's tumblr that she and kara have an "epic fall list". i thought to my self what a wonderful idea so here is mine. ( i am borrowing some of the things on their list)

how to have a wonderful fall:

• sit outside with apple cider/coffee and write in journal
• take kara's "fall in love class". and actually try to do it then and not hold of until volleyball is done and over
• go to football game in a cute coat and scarf
• spend an entire saturday taking pictures outside
• read 4-5 books
• jump in leaves
• make homemade cookies
• spend an entire saturday making art and listening to music
• go to maryland
• eat homemade noodles
• skip stones on the pond
• take several long walks
• spend time with lil cousins.. take lots of pictures of them
• drink lots of coffee/apple cider
• learn how to bake/make good thanksgiving food.

who knows i may think of more. if i do ill add them. have a great sunday

tfr

xo

jess

ps. ONLY 6 MORE DAYS TILL MY BIRTHDAY!!!

listen

goodbye summer

so the days i hoped would never come. school starts on wednesday. i am in no way prepared for school. if i had one wish.. it would be the first day of summer break right now and i would spend more time at the beach. it is a happy place of mine, but because it is too far away i resort to a second happy place of mine.. deep creek lake. for me.. it's almost heaven. my parents and i have spent a few days down on my grandparents property just laying on a blanket... reading sleeping..playing games. i truly enjoy it. family time like that is so nice. relaxing period is nice. but all time for relaxation has come to an end now that school and volleyball will be in full swing. all i can do is force myself to move forward.

on a happy note i turn 17 in less than a month.

but that is all. i really need to finish my summer reading and journals i will do that tomorrow.

goodnight. the pictures below are from deep creek lake.

tfr & enjoy.

xo

jess

just for now...

here are some pictures from a previous vacation a couple weeks ago. i will post a for real post later with more words and more pictures. i just really need to work on school reading. so enjoy your day.

jess

*insert title here*

it has been a very long week. i have worked at the school several times for community service. i have to have 40 total each year. i babysat twice and all the in between time i cleaned my room. at the beginning of the week i started a small thing for a great friend. cant say who cause i dont want to ruin it in chances of them reading my lil ol' blog.

today was nice. i went to the movies with my dear friend. we saw the gi joe movie. oh wow was it goood. and then we went to barns and noble to get coffee and while there i picked up a copy of.. the perks of being a wall flower. uhm can i say that i love this book i am only a few pages into it but i cant stop reading it.

i got an email from this lovely . it was very very nice!! she is so kind. and SO very inspiring!

thats about it for today. i am looking forward to tomorrow. we are going to spend the day with family friends.

thats about it. i will be back later with music videos and maybe some quotes from the book and pictures from the last few trips i went on.

tfr

xo

jess

ello

oh the things silly boys make you feel inside. yes they are so frustrating but how can you not love them. i am thankful for him. he is a good friend who is always there when i need him.

the bff is coming over tonight. we will watch movies and talk even more about silly boys.
i have some ideas in my head for several lo so i am going to try to accomplish some tomorrow.
have a good rest of the week.

tfr.
xo
jess

ps. the beginning is weird.

more about "11 - Jason Mraz - If it kills me Vide...", posted with vodpod

what i wouldn't give to be that free

free*dom:::: the state of being free or at liberty rather than in confinement or under physical restraint:::: exemption from external control, interference, regulation, ect. :::: the power to determine action without restraint::::  the absence of or release  from ties, obligations, ect. :::: the absence of  necessity in choice or action::::

just one of those days.

today was just one of those days were NOTHING  goes right. 

like silly boys breaking hearts. ok well silly boys being big disappointments. coming up with silly excuses as to why they must cancel plans. it always happens.. therefor i should be prepared for a let down but i never am. but through all of life's bad spots i learn something. through this i have learned that you sometimes need to get over yourself and your feelings and put others first. it is hard but i think it is so worth it.  

also  getting in silly arguments wit

h people you love and should respect. i find it hard to give respect when it s not given back. but sometimes no matter what you need to respect your authority. in the end it is worth it.

all in all, at the end of the bad day i realize i need to be thankful for these struggles..why? because compared to other issues in this world. mine are small. instead of crying over  my issues or getting mad i need to pray and thank God that my issues are small and pray that the bigger more important issues in the world be fixed and that God's hand would work through them.

if you read all of that thank you. for *listening* to me ramble. i hope you had/have a great day!

i guess on a.. happier .. note...this quote has been a big inspiration to me. and i had a picture that went with it. so i created this picture..

quote reads: " if i have a desire for something beyond this world, something beyond this world must exist.-c.s lewis"

tfr

xo

jess

hello...it's been a while

since i have been to this lil ol' blog..but i got a comment  from the wonderful and inspiring Kara telling me that i need to blog more so i decided why not. 

two weeks ago i went to a art & design camp at cedarville university. it is an AMAZING small christian college. i went to the camp mainly for the graphic design because studio art is not my...gift..lol but i came away with so much inspiration. i have several paintings bouncing around in my head. so not only did i fall inlove with graphic design i found a love for studio art. it was such a wonderful week. for one of the graphic design sessions we had to go around campus and take pictures of textures. that was really fun. here are some of mine...

and today i got back from a week at the beach! i don't have any pictures or any good ones at least. *i have been in a no inspiration mood recently =[* even though i was VERY  hot and sticky i would like to go back. i really enjoyed being..getting away. it's a great feeling.

my sister is getting married nest weekend. so i will post pictures of that. after all the wedding buzz has died i am going to start...try to start scrapboooking again and maybe get those paintings out of my head and on to canvas!

well happy 4th!!!!

tfr

xo

jess

dear...

dear rain, 

please go away. i need sunshine and warmth for those two things brings me great joy and happiness. and that is something i need right now. go away and come again some other day.  you can come occasionally because you do produced beautiful rain droplets on flowers. and i enjoy that oh so very much. please consider my thoughts..thank you

dear summer,

hurry your slow self up!! i need you now! i want..need the care free feeling that you give. the stress of school and all that is becoming too much for me. i want  *endless* hours of time so i can scrapbook, paint, read, eat popsicles and lay in the warm sunshine. yes that is what i want more than anything. so if you could please. for my sanity. HURRY UP and get here. thank you

jessica

haha if you can't tell i am in great need of summer and no more rain.

xo

hello* to a very random post

first off happy NSD!!! i have a few lo in mind that i am going to attempt to put on paper. i will see what happens.

i got my license yesterday!!! and i entered a set of three sp that i painted into a "competition" my school had.. they won best of show and a superior blue ribbon!!! so yesterday day was good! very good! i am oh so very close to getting a new bigger better camera i can not wait! 

what is something you struggle with? i struggle with putting others first and laying aside my feeling and emotions. i am really trying to work on that. God has been testing me..alot.. but thats ok i need testing. the only way to get past your struggle is to be tested with it so you can become stronger. God is an amazing God there is no doubt about that.

ok well i must get back to cleaning.

tfr

xo

jess

spring*love

spring is almost .... basically here!! i am so excited. i have waited a VERY long time for spring.  i am getting pretty sick and tired of these "april showers" they need to go. i want summertime and sunshine. 

i had SATs yesterday and today..oh how i HATE filling in the stupid little bubbles.  thankfully i have had time to get out of the house and take so pictures.  i did go to florida but i did not really get any  good pictures. i did have an amazing time though..visiting old friends and what not.

here is a kind of old lo i did. i have been planing to do more but...school and school work always seem to get in my way. my list of "goals" for this month kinda fell through... there is always next month..right? lol

well vocab, a multi genre paper, and a self portrait painting are calling my name and i must answer them. 

tfr

xo 

jess 

  SpRInG BrEAk!!! finally! cant believe i have survived this long lol also cant believe school is almost over!! summer here we come!!! lol im heading to florida tomorrow for a MUCH NEEDED vacation..we all deserve those every now and then..right? lol im going to take lots of pictures! have a great weekend/week!!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                also you must check out this song... i love it. i love him. 

xo

jess

pictures

it has been so beautiful out side. makes me so happy! lol here are some pictures of the lovely new spring life that is starting to grow in my front yard.  as i was taking these people kept slowing down to see what i was doing..it was weird and creepy lol 

tfl!!

xo 

jess

a list

*sigh*

my computer is now fixed! but they could not recover anything..so i lost a lot of my pictures and other important things... i learned my lesson lol i am going to buy an external hard drive.

ok so my 'to do list' for april

• smile, laugh and relax more..*i tend to take things a lil too seriously*
  
• art journal/scrapbook/paint/sketch..make art a few times a week
  
• try to write more poetry.. in hopes of getting better lol 
  
• get way more organized...and stay that way
• FOCUS..esp. on school. and on the good things in life
• stop and breathe when things get a lil crazy
• take pictures *every day*
• be spontaneous....act a lil more crazy.. loosen up 
• be patient
• pray/read the bible everyday
• exercise/eat better everyday 
• forget about the past..make the "now" count
• spend more time with my family
• read more ....*I NEED BOOK SUGGESTIONS*  

there are always things i want to improve but this will work for now lol

i need to find my camera charger then i will take pictures and post them.

xo

jess

TGIF

so.. my poor mac book is broken. I am not too sure what happened to it but I am going to the apple store tomorrow to have them look at it! I am praying that it did not crash because if it did that means that I have lost all my pictures! =[ sad day. I think I just might cry again. lol it's very tragic. I miss my pictures and my not so good editing program. *finger crossed* that the problem is fixable.

anyways..

it was so nice last weekend. I can not tell you how much I miss the sunshine and its warmth. but..it is back to being cold. oh well it was nice while it lasted.

i am proud to say I survived one of the worst weeks of school.....7 tests between 2 days..CrAZy I tell you. only a few more months!! I can not wait! I have so many great things planed for this summer. *sigh* I guess I will have to be satisfied with only the thought of summer.

on a happy note I have been feeling crazy inspired recently. I feel as if I have taken a huge leap in the area of creating think in the last month. I LOVE it so much! it is great! lol only if I had the time to put that inspiration to work. I need more time in my day!

I think I am going to make a list of..."goals"..not a huge fan of that word...for April. I think it would be helpful. I am off to work on that.
TFR!

xo
jess

random pictures

tfl

xo 

jess

***HaPpy FrIDaY***

this is me....most of me any way. lol

*i dont capitalize or any such things when typing. sorry!*and i use lol way too much....lol*

im just a teenager. born and raised on the warm beaches of the south but now live up in the cold north. i love jesus with all my heart. also i love my family and friends.

over the past year i fell head over heals in love with photography.  i want to spend the rest of my life doing it. i plan on doing photography and graphic design in college. i have decided that i have two dream jobs...

1. to be the photographer and graphic artist for different music groups

2. take pictures for magazines... such as anthro or toast *sigh* that would be so amazing! lol

my camera is a canon power shot =/ im saving up for a nikon d90..but that will take awhile.  my uncle is a huge inspiration to me..he takes amazing pictures and he is always helping me and giving me suggestions and tips. 

i also love to scrapbook.  i love to just pour my heart on the page..its better to let your emotions out on paper than on a person right? lol. two of my biggest inspirations when it comes to scrapbooking and all that comes with it are these two girls.

i love to read. i will read pretty  much anything. some favorites would be the twilight series.. to kill a mocking bird.. redeeming love.. the notebook... a walk to remember.

music. bottom line i could never survive without it. i could listen to anything....my ipod is always on shuffle so it can go from playing jack johnson, kate nash to three days grace, a static lullaby.

i am addicted to HOUSE and LOST. other than those two shows i dont really watch tv. i do watch alot of movies though.

i am IN LOVE  with all things vintage and antique. i love going antique shopping. i collect skeleton keys and cameras... oh how i love them both so much.

boys in skinny jeans and v-necks, skater boys, and soccer boys tend to get my attention.

david beckham is my lover, he just doesnt know it yet <3

skinny jeans, converse, black nail polish, vests, hoodies, scarfs and hats are just a few of my favorite things.

forever 21, pacsun, target are probably the best stores ever.

****[~this is me~]****

thanks for reading!

xo

jess

*awkward first post* lol

hi!!!  im jessica. jess for short. so first post on my new blog, kinda awkward. not real used to it yet. lol.  i will post a picture and give more about me in the next post..... these are my *goal cards* for 2009. more info on my flickr page.xo

jess